I’ve never been here.

The past week feels like I am a sailor who has been drafting in the rough sea for a really long time. I am single, for the first time in 5 years. Single, but not available. Suddenly, my life seemed to fogged up and I don’t even know what was going to happen next.

Jon and I agreed that we should be single, and work on things together and freshen up our relationship together. To work things together so we don’t get complacent and too comfortable with what we have that we take them for granted. And despite the change in status, we still do everything together just like we used to – because we want to, and because we love to. I’ve never been in a situation like this, and it feels very messy.

Just about half an hour ago, I received an email from the boy asking me to check out HDB’s website about the new flat launches, and I asked him why are we still doing this when we are single? Planning for our future together. His answer; as confident and definite as before. I don’t know, but no matter how much anger and hurt this guy brings to me, he is still the want I want to hold. Every. Single. Day. Even if it means this is a suicide mission.

So here we are standing side by side together, hand in hand, without a status (and hopefully for now) going to a series of dates just like how we’d used to do. Just like a restart button.

Let’s hope things work the way we wanted, so we can have the life we planned and want. With each other. Because, the truth to be told, there’s no one else I’d want to hold on to more than Jonathan Chau.

Walking in the street in the wee hours.

2 thoughts on “I’ve never been here.

  1. So happy for you… I can suuppeerrrr relate to this entry. You guys can do it. And I hope the same for me and my boyfriend!!!

  2. JESLYN, Thank you so much babe. It really makes me feel comforted to know someone understands me. I hope you and your boyfriend stays strong too. <3


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