Wrote a chunk and deleted it all. Nothing I write makes sense and it kills me to know that there are so much thoughts going through me and I can get nothing out. It’s always the case and I can’t bottle up my feelings/thoughts to myself. Maybe I am more expressive with what I think and feel, but maybe I was just incapable of controlling my emotions and I just needed someone to help me with it.
Woke up feeling like someone I never knew. It felt strong, but I didn’t like it. Went through the day like nothing could tear me down, but it was empty. The feeling of just getting through the day without anything. Literally nothing, and only emptiness exist. It was as though I wasn’t worthy of any good, or even I deserve anything because I can’t seem to give my best or at least the best to what people may wish. Like there was nothing for me to look forward to. I had nothing.
I’ve tried learning how to let go of things that hurts me, but somehow I gave it a way to get back and kill me. When I think of how upset it makes me, it hurts. Then I realised that it didn’t hurt that bad anymore. It was like my heart lost has already lost its ability to break.
I’d rather wake up feeling weak, and knowing that there’s someone out there that will do all it takes to fight for me. And makes me feel that I am worth fighting for.
I just need something comforting to bring me back to where I was. The feeling of being lost just kills me.