Despite how in love Jon & I have been for the past few years, I’ve gotta admit that long distance relationship gets really draining sometimes. I’m very appreciative and grateful to have Jon as my other half, but some times it just isn’t enough. Occasionally, I’d turn a light-hearted conversation into something serious – spoiling both of our mood, making him wonder what has happened to let the conversation end up this way. It makes me feel that I’m a difficult person for Jon to love, but that’s how I am and I am fully aware of it.
Sometimes I just pity him for having me as his girlfriend. I make ridiculous demands (e.g. curfew when he never even do anything wrong) and wants him to abide to it when I don’t even mean it. But when he wants to reason things out, I get very upset. I’m such a bitch at times I can’t even stand myself. I don’t know why I make such useless/senseless demands that doesn’t even make sense.
I know I always want to have a fresh feeling – the feeling of being smitten and letting my heart skip a bit – but it gets kinda difficult when you’re in a long and stable relationship, even more difficult when we’re so far away from each other. Jon says I am appreciative and grateful, but not contented (with no harsh intentions, just talking our way through things). I guess he’s right. He doesn’t want much from me, but sometimes I feel like I am asking the world from him. ):
We’re leading such different physical lives despite being bonded as one emotionally. I work 5 days a week, with nothing much to look forward to on a daily/weekly basis, trying to earn as much as I can to save up for the upcoming exciting trip at the end of the year. But he’s somewhere out there exploring something new, hanging out with his friends at their house/parties/whichever (and I really don’t mind). After reasoning out with myself, I guess this is why I want more from him; my life’s mundane with nothing to look forward to in the days/weeks, hoping that he’ll fill the spaces in my life.
I salute him for being able to love me all the same after all this I put him through. Jon, why are you so amazingly tolerant/patient while I am just the exact opposite? It makes me feel like I don’t deserve someone so amazing like you with my terrible temper.
This entry isn’t making much sense, but I just want to ramble my way through the rainy Friday morning. I just want December to arrive now.