It’s almost 3 months since I’ve decided to move out and started working as a full-time Optometrist. The experience I get? I can’t quite say that I’ve learnt (or foresee that what I’ll learn) will be what I’ve expected to. Since I don’t get to have a senior Optometrist working under one roof with me, I don’t get a teacher to guide me. Since I’m working in town, I don’t (really) get to see much paediatric and/or elderly patients, and these are the people that are the most challenging to deal with.
I know I could easily have these problems solved if I had decided to stay in my comfort zone.
One reason why I’ve decided to come out of my comfort zone? I thought maybe it’s time for me to just go outside and face the world, get scolded by people, learn about the dog-eat-dog world out there, and hopefully learn some skills I wouldn’t learn. Oh yes, I’m definitely getting these. Nothing to be very happy about actually.
Just lately, I have this heavy hearted feeling when I know it’s a new day at work. Wondering what’s waiting for me (to be scolded or to be told off) for, and all I can do is to go to work feeling very cautious of the people around me, which is something I really dread and hate. The feeling of not being able to trust the people around you is quite… sad.
At the very beginning – I’ve two colleagues just for your information – I thought that my assistant supervisor (Jeff) was a nice and friendly guy while my manager (Jessica) was a picky and difficult person to mingle with. Now, my opinions have changed. My experience working with Jeff was nothing short of unfairness and pretentiousness. He carries a smile along with a knife, exaggerates things quite a lot (like how pissed Jessica is with me when she isn’t), how he snatches sales from me because of commission, is always on the phone bitching and gossip (like a bitch, really), comes to work late and expects me to sign in for him. Jessica’s quite difficult to satisfy because of her rather high expectations, but I really appreciate her for telling me off in front of my face instead of beating the bush like Jeff. At least I feel that don’t need to be on guard all the time.
I’ve gotta admit that I’m a really huge blur queen who’s really forgetful and careless. That I agree I have to try and work on and improve in so many ways. I’m not flawless, but I know at least with what I’m trying to do now is to handle well what my job scope expects me to before trying to work on others. This is not an excuse, but I’m honestly still a newbie and there’s so much I need to learn, and learning takes time. I hope they see that.
Sometimes I just want to suck it all up, keep my mouth shut instead of being stepped over because I’m-a-junior. But sometimes I just have so much to complain about work. I’m don’t hate my job, in fact I don’t even think working such long hours bothers me so far. I just hate having to be pretentious and be on guard of the people around me all the time.
To be frank, Jon’s Dad has been asking me to go back and work for him even though it’s only three months since I’ve left. I can always choose to get back to my comfort zone and be happy instead of facing all these crap and being taken advantage of. But isn’t this the reason why I’ve decided to come out and have some exposure?
I really hope I can hang in there, take all these shit, and make it through a year before going back to where my heart really belongs to. Just another year at least.